Baby was not moving

Assalamualaikum.

I was admitted to the hospital because my baby was not moving at 30 weeks. I noticed that the baby started to became less active 2 days before Ramadhan. I had no clue why it happened. I could only related it to eating durian too much. 7 ulas je pon. Is it too much? My friend ate 1 whole durian for herself. I have started to fill the baby movement chart since last week. So, somehow I could keep track of the baby's movement. So, that day I couldn't complete the chart because baby was not moving at least 10 times before 9pm. After that, my baby was not moving at all. I was worried. Anything could happen. My friend experienced almost the same thing. Her baby died because the umbilical cord got spiral.  So, I told Amirul I wanted to go the hospital. At least I know what happen.

The doc did the check up. Baby's heart rate was ok. I did the urine test. The result was not good. The doctor asked nurse to do the drip. 5 bottles. I was painful. I hate drip.

                                

I had to stay at the hospital. I told Amirul I had to be admitted to the hospital. He needed to go back and take all my stuff especially clothes. I asked him to take my skirt as I couldn't suit pants anymore. I had my shower after he left. When I opened my bag, only skirt in it. No top. Not ironed jubah and instant tudung (he noticed it because I just bought it, kalau tak, tak jumpa juga nak cari tudung tu ).

Rasanya dah nampak dah apa yang akan terjadi bila I'm not well prepared for my labour. No toiletries. I asked Amirul to bring my toiletries and other things I need the next day. Haish, macam mana nak jadi macam Kate Middleton kalau macam ni. She appears gorgeous even 1 day after giving birth.

Alhamdulillah, my baby is in good condition. He started moving after 3 bottles were dripped. I was too tired. I was dehydrated. I should take good care of myself and the baby. No stress. Please pray for us.

Thank you for reading!

How I survive my second pregnancy?

Assalamualaikum.

Looking at the post entry seems like I'm having my second child already. No,no. Just second pregnancy, first child.

I'm currently in my 18 weeks of my pregnancy. Thank God I survive bad roller coaster of first trimester successfully. Well, I think. I hope Amirul's not complaining for what he had to do;all the chores, laundry and all. And not to forget the massage part. Sorry husband.

At the beginning, I couldn't sleep at night because my tummy felt so uncomfortable. I was awaken at night because of the uneasiness. I constantly went to the toilet. I have problem waking up in the morning. At times, I felt like quitting my job. Yes, over sangat. But that's how I felt. Tired all the time. 

The next phrase, I suffer nausea after eating. I vomited every morning and evening. I couldn't smell any cooked food. To one point, my throat bleed because of regular vomiting. I had to consult to the family doctor. I had severe morning sickness. I tried every thing to reduce morning sickness. Eating bananas, drink lots of water, my husband bought me morning sickness wristband, eat pickle and all. Nothing works. Sometimes, it helps a little. Morning sickness is unavoidable. You have to face it mothaaaa. Mungkin sebab tu orang tak tahan ambik ubat mabuk then miscarriage? Scary. It's about sacrifice. You want a kid, swallow it ladies. 

And lately, I'm having problem to walk. My hip was so painful and I walked like an old lady. Pelik sungguh sakit orang pregnant ni tau. Tak terjangka aku yang jenis cergas macam ni boleh jadi lembik. I took MC to get a rest because I couldn't walk at all. Can you imagine? 

Whatever the difficulties I face, I try to be strong for my husband and the baby. Pray for me. Doctor claimed I still have risk of miscarriage unless I'm more than 20 weeks because I had history. 

                                       

                                           I'm still not gaining much weight. Maybe after this. Teheee

I just moved to a new place

So, I guess I'll be back writing actively.

I just moved to a new place. New state. At the moment I'm staying with my grandmum on my mother's side. There's so much to thank to Allah. I got transferred early February this year.  

Rasa hidup lebih tenang. Kami dah tak duduk bandar. Nak pergi mana-mana tak ramai orang. Tak jam. Nak keluar petang-petang pun rasa tenang. Tak banyak kereta. Nak  makan pun tak ramai orang. Alhamdulillah, beban kerja pun tak banyak. So, sangat bersyukur. 

TENANG. 

Tu yang aku cari selama ini. 

Sabah trip part 1

Assalamualaikum.

Did I ever mentioned Amirul is from Sabah. Well he's from Sabah. Jauhnya jodohku. Tak pernah terbayang akan kahwin dengan orang Sabah. Hiks.

Tapi itulah jodoh. Bak orang cakapkan, sekuat mana cinta, akan tetap kalah dengan qada' & qadar Allah. Jodoh ni Allah dah tentukan bersama kejadian kita di Luh Manfuz lagi. Tapi, Alhamdulillah Allah pertemukan dengan lelaki terbaik dalam hidup ini. Mohd Amirul Asyraf. I love you. 

*ok, ni bukan ucapan touching anniversary*

Ok. Ni cerita sebenarnya. Intro smpai 2 perenggan tau. We spent the whole end year holiday in Sabah. So this time around, we could go to interesting places here. Before this, we just stayed home or visited Amirul's relatives. We went to Sabah museum. A must visit place anywhere we go because Amirul loves history so much. As a matter of fact, he's a history teacher ;p. 

                                 

The next day, we went to Kundasang. A place people claims as Malaysia New Zealand. In deed. It was cold and all I wanted were hot soup and hot tea. But it was not very very cold. It just me. I don't like cold chilling wheater that much. 

                                  

The milk was superb and the pudding was the best. You should try the pudding really. 

                                         

                                          

New Zealand like scenary.

Before that, we stop by to see Mount Kinabalu. It was almost not seen becauae of the wet air *maybe*

                                             

Now I believe when people said I look tiny besides Amirul. But I though I'm almost the same hight to him.

To be continued

The vow

Assalamulaikum

All praise to Allah The Mighty for health, wealth and love. Alhamdulillah, I'm just currently happy with my life. Thanks Allah for your kindness when I'm in despair.And yea, I realised I haven't write anything about my wedding. Juggling between work and responsibility as a wife, I become almost careless and tired. But I'm ok most of the time because Amirul is always encouraging me to work at my pace, be patient and be relax which I always forget to. 

When I looked back at our wedding, I'm glad that I could make it simple yet memorable. Fyi, we made the preparation for the engagement a month before, and 1 month after that we got married. Sound tiring but believe me, it ran smoothly as we planned. Even though, I say it was simple, we still had everything; pelamin for the solemnization, pelamin for reception and makan beradap. We have all that, but not too much. 

I'm glad that we still could follow what is allowed and not allowed (I'm not boasting here, but we should share something right together). It's important for the bride and groom to abide by what Islam forbid us. Alhamdulillah, I did not decorate my fingers until wrist with henna (inai). Amirul did not wear henna at all. Henna is only for woman. Guys is not allowed to wear henna. Amirul did not wear necklace even our wedding outfit come with it. He didn't kiss my forehead either. He told me before we get married that he did not want kiss me in front of others and I don't want it too. Even my parents and his parents say better not to do that or anything like that. Alhamdulillah our family are understanding. 

For those who are getting married, I advice you to recite surah Yassin every morning because it will ease you in so many ways. That's what I practice before getting married until now as advised by Amirul. Insyaallah, tak akan ada ganguan hati. Ganguan perasaan. Insyaallah takde ujian tetiba tersuka kat orang lain sebab dugaan bertunang, Ya Alllahhhh sangat kuat. 

I married the best guy I ever met for my whole life after my father. I kept ( and still am) praying to Allah since I was a teenager to give me someone who is good and would be good for me. Someone pious, someone who is not a smoker, someone funny, someone sporty, someone fun. I like everything about him. Thank you Allah for granting my wish after I've waiting for so long. So long.  

Semoga kami berjaya membina keluarga Sakinah Mawaddah Warahmah. 

Doakan kami :)

Pink Bow Tie

Honestly, I never know about Pink Bow Tie story. So before our instructor read the story, we have to predict the story. So I came up with gender equality and Pink collar job. Then he read the story. The story was hilarious. Check out this website for the story. Enjoy reading!

After listening to the story, we had to come up with and email telling a friend what had happened. Here is my email.

Dear Diana,

How are you? I hope you are doing well. How’s your life? I hope you’re enjoying your school holidays. Do you remember our ridiculous principal who could not leave his pink bow tie? He just dragged me into a serious trouble. I was nearly suspended from school because he claimed that I had dyed my hair which I did not. He also threatened to inform my parent about me telling lies which was not true. It scares me to death because you know my parents.

You know before the holiday, he called me to his office. He claimed that a boy had reported to him that I had dyed my hair. He told me that it was against the school rules. I tried to convince him that I had not dyed my hair and told him the story.

The story began when I was on a train with a few people. I was on the way to the town. There was a boy who was smoking and it annoyed the ticket collector. He asked the boy to stop smoking but the boy refused to do that. The boy turned something like a radio. And you know what, the boy slowly changed into a man in front of my eyes. It was unbelievable and I witnessed another old lady turned 16 and another man turned into a baby and turned again into a corpse. I sounded ridiculous but believe me the machine also turned me into an old man. That explained my blonde hair.

I tried to prove to the principal but he resisted the truth of my story. He asked me to bring the machine. So I handed it over to him. After that, I heard nothing from him until I heard that his gorgeous secretary finally had a handsome eighteen year old boyfriend with pink bow tie. It was really suspicious. What do you think? Do you think he was our principal? Maybe he is our principal but I doubt he was that handsome. 

xoxo

And these what I get as reply.My course mates are funny. 

Dear jenny,

You’re right. Most probably that is your principle who went missing. It’s based on the same pink bow tie. No any idiots will wear the pink bow tie except your principle. When I met him for the first time last year, I wondered if this man is out of his mind as he was wearing the pink bow tie. It looked very ugly on him. I think you should approach him and try to talk to him something that had happened in the past so that the real story will be revealed.

           

Dear jenny,

Wow…..what a story. I enjoyed every moment of it. I think you need to find out the culprit, Start being detective and the truth will be revealed sooner. Good luck.

All the best,

Noranizam

Dear Jenny,

It is an interesting story. Well, I do hate the principal as I was accused once of eating chewing gum in class which is a crime I never commit. Well, I think you should be glad that he is no longer around to haunt us with his ridiculous pink bow tie. However, the guy who the secretary is dating can be him though because only he would wear that pink bow tie. Could he turn himself young again? Why don’t you try to die your hair this time and meet him again to see what is his reaction. Dye your hair pink to turn him on. Hope to hear story from you again.

Vincent. 

Miscarriage

Assalamualaikum

In my humble count, today is my 139th days of my marriage. Alhamdullillah is the only word deserved. So many happened within those period. I should thank Allah for everything. I learnt alot. I cried a river. I screamed. I lost hope. I gave up. I did not want to speak to anyone. I felt that I always be the unlucky one. I was angry. I was full of hatred. After all, I was frustrated. Yet, I learn to be strong. I learn redha. I convince myself that as human we cannot have everything in our life. Gradually I could accept what had happened as soon I slowly recovering. 

I was pregnant after two months I got married. I became extremely tired. I was restless. It was during fasting month. I became so hungry and mostly very thirsty. Up to a point I was so thirsty I felt so dry and not even a drop of saliva stayed in my mouth. I even had hallucination my mom came to me and gave me water because she pitied me. I cried because it was my mom not anyone else. The liquid in my body was also declined. But I survived one month of Ramadhan. 30 days full. 

I took return flight ticket to my husband's hometown for aidilfitri. Next two weeks, we went back to my hometown. The next day,my school had open day. Can you imagine how exausted I was. Fyi, pregnant woman cannot get tired at all. AT ALL. But I was tired. I was tired at schoo. I was tired at home. I was stressed out with school. I had to teach extra classes at my early pregnancy. I handle the worse class ever in my carrer. I was demotivated. 

On sunday, when I got back from school. I bleed. We went to the clinic and the doctor said everything was fine. I bleed because I was too tired. However, the fetus was small for its age. That night, I slept early because I was too tired. I couldn't sleep because my stomach was painful. So my husband read some surah and put sugi water on my stomach. I felt better after that. So I slept. That night, I couldn't sleep. I stomach was painful and it was unbearable. The pain was like period pain but stronger. My stomach had severe cramps. I bleed again. But I did not tell my husband because he was sleeping. He might be tired too. 

I woke up around 4 for isyak. A blood clot just drop on the flood and I was like 'it is'. We rushed to the hospital. Doctor did the VE. It was painful. But  I was still able to bear it. Based on my story, how I felt and check up, it was confirm a miscarriage. But, the fetus was there and like the previous doctor said, it was too small for its age. So I was alright. My baby was safe. Doctor asked to come again after 2 weeks. If the fetus did not grow, we had to take it out.

Within those 2 weeks, I bleed everyday. I was scared and I had the guts the baby was no longer there. I knew it by the way I was no longer had headache. No more restless day. I became energetic again. I can cook as usual. I kept the guts to myself even to my husband. People around me asked me to thinnk positive. But I already knew it. (Crying typing this)

After 2 weeks, I went to the hospital alone because Amirul couldn't leave the school. The doctor did the scan. The fetus was there. The size was not growing. The white dot that showed the heart  was longer seen. It was practically dead.  The doctor did the VE. It dead. I did urine test and it was negative. I can accept that. 

I had to under go a procedure to take out the fetus without any drugs. It's like under go an operation alive. I was painful and believe me, you dont want that. I suffered post procedure. I vomited at least 3 times before Amirul arrived. After that, I cried endlessly. I was too sad. I was in pain. Everyone thought I was ok, but I was not. I had mightmare at night. I dont know who I should tell. I still have nightmares until now.

I swear to God, coping with miscarriage is hard. Hard that I cant explain expilicitly how. Even my husband couldn't do much to help me. Everything is new for us. But he provided excellent emotional support. All you need is support from people around. Luckily, my mom always checking on me. She called me. Texted me. Advice me what should I do and shouldn't. Do not eat this and that. Yes, memang Allah yang sembuhkan. Semua takdir Allah. Sebagai manusia kita tetap harus berusaha. 

                                    

Baby, we love you. But Allah knows better. Semoga Allah menggantikan kami dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik dan pada masa yang tepat. Kamu membuat semua orang bahagia untuk seketika.