Sabah trip part 1

Assalamualaikum.

Did I ever mentioned Amirul is from Sabah. Well he's from Sabah. Jauhnya jodohku. Tak pernah terbayang akan kahwin dengan orang Sabah. Hiks.

Tapi itulah jodoh. Bak orang cakapkan, sekuat mana cinta, akan tetap kalah dengan qada' & qadar Allah. Jodoh ni Allah dah tentukan bersama kejadian kita di Luh Manfuz lagi. Tapi, Alhamdulillah Allah pertemukan dengan lelaki terbaik dalam hidup ini. Mohd Amirul Asyraf. I love you. 

*ok, ni bukan ucapan touching anniversary*

Ok. Ni cerita sebenarnya. Intro smpai 2 perenggan tau. We spent the whole end year holiday in Sabah. So this time around, we could go to interesting places here. Before this, we just stayed home or visited Amirul's relatives. We went to Sabah museum. A must visit place anywhere we go because Amirul loves history so much. As a matter of fact, he's a history teacher ;p. 

                                 

The next day, we went to Kundasang. A place people claims as Malaysia New Zealand. In deed. It was cold and all I wanted were hot soup and hot tea. But it was not very very cold. It just me. I don't like cold chilling wheater that much. 

                                  

The milk was superb and the pudding was the best. You should try the pudding really. 

                                         

                                          

New Zealand like scenary.

Before that, we stop by to see Mount Kinabalu. It was almost not seen becauae of the wet air *maybe*

                                             

Now I believe when people said I look tiny besides Amirul. But I though I'm almost the same hight to him.

To be continued

The vow

Assalamulaikum

All praise to Allah The Mighty for health, wealth and love. Alhamdulillah, I'm just currently happy with my life. Thanks Allah for your kindness when I'm in despair.And yea, I realised I haven't write anything about my wedding. Juggling between work and responsibility as a wife, I become almost careless and tired. But I'm ok most of the time because Amirul is always encouraging me to work at my pace, be patient and be relax which I always forget to. 

When I looked back at our wedding, I'm glad that I could make it simple yet memorable. Fyi, we made the preparation for the engagement a month before, and 1 month after that we got married. Sound tiring but believe me, it ran smoothly as we planned. Even though, I say it was simple, we still had everything; pelamin for the solemnization, pelamin for reception and makan beradap. We have all that, but not too much. 

I'm glad that we still could follow what is allowed and not allowed (I'm not boasting here, but we should share something right together). It's important for the bride and groom to abide by what Islam forbid us. Alhamdulillah, I did not decorate my fingers until wrist with henna (inai). Amirul did not wear henna at all. Henna is only for woman. Guys is not allowed to wear henna. Amirul did not wear necklace even our wedding outfit come with it. He didn't kiss my forehead either. He told me before we get married that he did not want kiss me in front of others and I don't want it too. Even my parents and his parents say better not to do that or anything like that. Alhamdulillah our family are understanding. 

For those who are getting married, I advice you to recite surah Yassin every morning because it will ease you in so many ways. That's what I practice before getting married until now as advised by Amirul. Insyaallah, tak akan ada ganguan hati. Ganguan perasaan. Insyaallah takde ujian tetiba tersuka kat orang lain sebab dugaan bertunang, Ya Alllahhhh sangat kuat. 

I married the best guy I ever met for my whole life after my father. I kept ( and still am) praying to Allah since I was a teenager to give me someone who is good and would be good for me. Someone pious, someone who is not a smoker, someone funny, someone sporty, someone fun. I like everything about him. Thank you Allah for granting my wish after I've waiting for so long. So long.  

Semoga kami berjaya membina keluarga Sakinah Mawaddah Warahmah. 

Doakan kami :)

Pink Bow Tie

Honestly, I never know about Pink Bow Tie story. So before our instructor read the story, we have to predict the story. So I came up with gender equality and Pink collar job. Then he read the story. The story was hilarious. Check out this website for the story. Enjoy reading!

After listening to the story, we had to come up with and email telling a friend what had happened. Here is my email.

Dear Diana,

How are you? I hope you are doing well. How’s your life? I hope you’re enjoying your school holidays. Do you remember our ridiculous principal who could not leave his pink bow tie? He just dragged me into a serious trouble. I was nearly suspended from school because he claimed that I had dyed my hair which I did not. He also threatened to inform my parent about me telling lies which was not true. It scares me to death because you know my parents.

You know before the holiday, he called me to his office. He claimed that a boy had reported to him that I had dyed my hair. He told me that it was against the school rules. I tried to convince him that I had not dyed my hair and told him the story.

The story began when I was on a train with a few people. I was on the way to the town. There was a boy who was smoking and it annoyed the ticket collector. He asked the boy to stop smoking but the boy refused to do that. The boy turned something like a radio. And you know what, the boy slowly changed into a man in front of my eyes. It was unbelievable and I witnessed another old lady turned 16 and another man turned into a baby and turned again into a corpse. I sounded ridiculous but believe me the machine also turned me into an old man. That explained my blonde hair.

I tried to prove to the principal but he resisted the truth of my story. He asked me to bring the machine. So I handed it over to him. After that, I heard nothing from him until I heard that his gorgeous secretary finally had a handsome eighteen year old boyfriend with pink bow tie. It was really suspicious. What do you think? Do you think he was our principal? Maybe he is our principal but I doubt he was that handsome. 

xoxo

And these what I get as reply.My course mates are funny. 

Dear jenny,

You’re right. Most probably that is your principle who went missing. It’s based on the same pink bow tie. No any idiots will wear the pink bow tie except your principle. When I met him for the first time last year, I wondered if this man is out of his mind as he was wearing the pink bow tie. It looked very ugly on him. I think you should approach him and try to talk to him something that had happened in the past so that the real story will be revealed.

           

Dear jenny,

Wow…..what a story. I enjoyed every moment of it. I think you need to find out the culprit, Start being detective and the truth will be revealed sooner. Good luck.

All the best,

Noranizam

Dear Jenny,

It is an interesting story. Well, I do hate the principal as I was accused once of eating chewing gum in class which is a crime I never commit. Well, I think you should be glad that he is no longer around to haunt us with his ridiculous pink bow tie. However, the guy who the secretary is dating can be him though because only he would wear that pink bow tie. Could he turn himself young again? Why don’t you try to die your hair this time and meet him again to see what is his reaction. Dye your hair pink to turn him on. Hope to hear story from you again.

Vincent. 

Miscarriage

Assalamualaikum

In my humble count, today is my 139th days of my marriage. Alhamdullillah is the only word deserved. So many happened within those period. I should thank Allah for everything. I learnt alot. I cried a river. I screamed. I lost hope. I gave up. I did not want to speak to anyone. I felt that I always be the unlucky one. I was angry. I was full of hatred. After all, I was frustrated. Yet, I learn to be strong. I learn redha. I convince myself that as human we cannot have everything in our life. Gradually I could accept what had happened as soon I slowly recovering. 

I was pregnant after two months I got married. I became extremely tired. I was restless. It was during fasting month. I became so hungry and mostly very thirsty. Up to a point I was so thirsty I felt so dry and not even a drop of saliva stayed in my mouth. I even had hallucination my mom came to me and gave me water because she pitied me. I cried because it was my mom not anyone else. The liquid in my body was also declined. But I survived one month of Ramadhan. 30 days full. 

I took return flight ticket to my husband's hometown for aidilfitri. Next two weeks, we went back to my hometown. The next day,my school had open day. Can you imagine how exausted I was. Fyi, pregnant woman cannot get tired at all. AT ALL. But I was tired. I was tired at schoo. I was tired at home. I was stressed out with school. I had to teach extra classes at my early pregnancy. I handle the worse class ever in my carrer. I was demotivated. 

On sunday, when I got back from school. I bleed. We went to the clinic and the doctor said everything was fine. I bleed because I was too tired. However, the fetus was small for its age. That night, I slept early because I was too tired. I couldn't sleep because my stomach was painful. So my husband read some surah and put sugi water on my stomach. I felt better after that. So I slept. That night, I couldn't sleep. I stomach was painful and it was unbearable. The pain was like period pain but stronger. My stomach had severe cramps. I bleed again. But I did not tell my husband because he was sleeping. He might be tired too. 

I woke up around 4 for isyak. A blood clot just drop on the flood and I was like 'it is'. We rushed to the hospital. Doctor did the VE. It was painful. But  I was still able to bear it. Based on my story, how I felt and check up, it was confirm a miscarriage. But, the fetus was there and like the previous doctor said, it was too small for its age. So I was alright. My baby was safe. Doctor asked to come again after 2 weeks. If the fetus did not grow, we had to take it out.

Within those 2 weeks, I bleed everyday. I was scared and I had the guts the baby was no longer there. I knew it by the way I was no longer had headache. No more restless day. I became energetic again. I can cook as usual. I kept the guts to myself even to my husband. People around me asked me to thinnk positive. But I already knew it. (Crying typing this)

After 2 weeks, I went to the hospital alone because Amirul couldn't leave the school. The doctor did the scan. The fetus was there. The size was not growing. The white dot that showed the heart  was longer seen. It was practically dead.  The doctor did the VE. It dead. I did urine test and it was negative. I can accept that. 

I had to under go a procedure to take out the fetus without any drugs. It's like under go an operation alive. I was painful and believe me, you dont want that. I suffered post procedure. I vomited at least 3 times before Amirul arrived. After that, I cried endlessly. I was too sad. I was in pain. Everyone thought I was ok, but I was not. I had mightmare at night. I dont know who I should tell. I still have nightmares until now.

I swear to God, coping with miscarriage is hard. Hard that I cant explain expilicitly how. Even my husband couldn't do much to help me. Everything is new for us. But he provided excellent emotional support. All you need is support from people around. Luckily, my mom always checking on me. She called me. Texted me. Advice me what should I do and shouldn't. Do not eat this and that. Yes, memang Allah yang sembuhkan. Semua takdir Allah. Sebagai manusia kita tetap harus berusaha. 

                                    

Baby, we love you. But Allah knows better. Semoga Allah menggantikan kami dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik dan pada masa yang tepat. Kamu membuat semua orang bahagia untuk seketika. 

Complicated agreement

You know, when you are raised in all boys siblings, all cousins are mostly boys, surround by a quite number of male friends, you find yourself tend to follow their attitude a little bit. Yet, you have the advantage of no one bother about your stuff and what happened to you. So, all this while, I have developed the attitude of individualism. I can do almost everything on my own. I don't like people touch mt stuff. I like to be alone in my room. I like to watch movie alone. There was one time my brother took out and read my magazines and left them in mess. I screamed like a mad woman. YES! I'm that scary.   My principal is my stuff is my stuff. Don't you ever touch mine.

When we are married, for sure we have to share almost everything. So, we need to agree on the same things. But, as complicated as woman and man to think alike, it's complicated to agree on the same thing too. There was one time, me and my husband wanted to buy night lamp or table lamp or whatever you call it. My husband is a typical guy who doesn't like cute thing but that day he said....

Husband: Sayang, let's buy the cutest lamp.

I was excited. Cute? I was eager to choose one.

Me: Abang, this is sooooo cute. 

Husband: No, I think this one is the cutest.

Me: What??????

You know what he chose? The most dull night lamp. White and typical. There were many lamps that were so cute. Pandas, frogs and even the one the blink blink. We ended up buying that I-thing-this-is-ugly lamp.

See, it's hard to agree on the same thing. But, I still positively think this is a good sign. What if my husband like cute things more than I do? Creepy guy.

This is something we agreed on. White tv. It's rare and we both think it's very cute. 

Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum.

Oh my God,

My neighbour is cooking and it smells so good that makes me hungry. Kangkung goreng belacan kot. Bestnyer. Ok, whatever. 

Talking about cooking, during this fasting month, YES I'm cooking every day except for those days when I got tuition. Never imagine I'd be this devoted towards marriage. I should pat my own shoulder. I'd prefer cooking because the dishes sold at the bazaar are not good at all. Oily and not healthy. There is something wrong with the taste too. Feeling bad and frustrating, my husband and I decided we should cook every day except when we want to go out at a good place to break fast. My colleague at school always ask me

 " Fareha, do you cook?"

And I replied YES, they were surprised. They thought I could not cook because I'm young. Usually newly wed doesn't cook because the girl is still adapting with married life. Unlike for me, I think I'm well adjusted with married life. I can cook. Not an expert tapi boleh la because I was raised up with the mind set girl should know how to cook. 

It just that, I feel a bit tired after I got married. Not major though. It's like you have to do the house chores. Being a working wife. Extra classes. Tuition. All in one bring me headache. Luckily my husband is a great helper. He does half of it. Or in a better words, we do it together. 

Last night we slept early. It was 9.30 right after terawih. Terawih pun kat rumah because we are too tired. I don't know how I became like this. I usually sleep at 12.00 onwards. Kalau pukul 11 tu, malam baru bermula. Baru nak buat kerja okey. Now, things are different. Work from school is not allowed at home. Boleh gitu. Ok, back to the story. We slept early. Later, this morning around 3 a.m my husband woke me up.

"Sayang, kapal terbang MAS terhempas lagi"  . With sober voice and I was like "What?"

We turned on the TV.Too heartbreaking. I took some time to digest the news. It seems unbelievable you know. Before this, we only heard from other countries. But this time it happens to us and it's freaking real. We haven't completely done lamenting for the lost of #MH370, now we are sadden by the lost of 295 lives in #MH17. Too much to digest for me as Malaysian. Too many questions in my mind. May Allah protect us from bad thing. My thought and prayers to all passengers and cabin crews. Rest in peace. 

Al-fatihah. 

  

Of getting married

Assalamulaikum

Sometimes, when  I thought about getting married, I had a huge worries telling me that I would lose myself, lose my inner self and be a failure. I become so scared that I couldn't handle myself. Grow up Fareha. Grow up! You know like every girl has that feeling. Do I make the right choice or some thing like that. Not that I would miss my single life, but I am more concern about being unprepared on being a wife. How would I not feel afraid and scared thinking that I have trusted a guy that I would spend my whole life with and devoted my life to be with him. 

I told Amirul about my worries. He constantly let me talk about about my fear. But instead of being offended by my tears, he always give me conformation and affirmation answers.   Eventually I learned that I shouldn't. Amirul, I feel beautiful with you. I don't mean physically beautiful here. Every girl would love having a guy waking up next to especially those she loves so dearly to her heart.

Why you should be afraid to get married?

NO. You shouldn't. Why would you? You know, when you get married, you solat is wayyyyy better compared to those who are not married in term of the rewards. Allah will reward you double or even triple in every good deeds you do. I've read some where that 2 rakaat solah of married man, is better than 70 rakaat of those who are not married. How can you not want that? It's silly or even not grateful to think about being scared. Jodoh is a gift  from the sky (read Allah). The gift to complete you. To complete your deen. 

"And of His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He placed between you affection and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

With that, I'm a happy bride to be.

7 days to go. Hew Hew Hew

Truly, 

Fareha

I'm engaged

Assalamualaikum.

Okey. Hurm, how do I start this so that it doesn't sound so euwww dan orang yang baca rasa nak muntah sebab kegelian. Hahaha. Ok la, let's get started.So, I'm officially engaged to Amirul. We started as friend because I always wanted to marry someone I know by myself. I want to marry  someone I know in person before anything else because what you heard from other might some kind of exaggeration or even a lie. I know his personality first and eventually getting to know him day by day. I'm not into match making and arrange marriage thingy. 

I understand as human he has flaws. I have flaws too. It's impossible to be perfect. Mana lah boleh kau nak cari orang yang perfect. Contoh kau nak cantik dan hot macam Megan Fox tu kan. Tapi nak yang baik dan solehah macam Anna Althafunnisa. Both just don't tally.

Be realistic. 

Amirul,

Thank you for not giving up on me. Despite me being heartless sometimes, not knowing what I want life (which I actually do, but I'm too shy to tell you) and sometimes I give no reaction to you (I have to understand you're an extrovert person).I'm trying my very best to keep up with your hyper activeness. Hahaha. I never want to disappoint you. Sorry for the joke that you can't accept. Amirul, thank you. Thank you for making me believe good guy still exist.

I love you. I love you so much. I have no word to describe how much I love you. It's beyond what I could comprehend. I understand, I should not love human like more that the creator. I completely understand that. The love for Allah is eternity. Insyaallah. Amirul, thank you for making my life come fresh and alive.

Izzati said she's officially off market when she got engaged. I was amused. Me? When I'm engaged and  I'm officially not looking for any guy. I choose to be faithful the man that I love. Semoga perkahwinan yang bakal dibina akan meningkatkan keimanan dan kami lebih mengagungi kuasa Allah s.w.t dengan nikmat kasih sayang dari mu melalui insan-insan disekeliling kami. 19 days to go and I'm nervous like heck!

I know this post is so mushy. Please excuse me for the jiwang karatness overload. Hehehe

Sincerely, 

Fareha 

Warm Up

It has been 2 month. The last time I writing was on his birthday. Busy. Tapi tak tahu la busy apa. Just banyak kerja. So, jadi super kalut. Dah la aku memang jenis kalut. Disebabkan aku jalan laju, cakap laju, pegang barang pun laju-laju, orang nampak aku macam Masyaallah, kalut nya budak ni. Padahal aku cool je sebenarnya. Gitu pulak eh. Ntah. Aku rasa aku dah terbiasa buat kerja laju. 

Quick catch up

I miss blogging. I seriously do. But due to the unorganised time management as a result of too much responsibilities, I have no time to write. At least last time I did have some time to read. But now I don't. Crazy isn't it? Working life sometimes suck.Sigh. 

Life is getting a bit dull. Almost everything went around jobs and hanging around with friends. That's all. I spare my time with my friends, doing thing I love. 

          

                                       

                   

                                         

Keep myself motivated everytime I wake up in the morning. Ensure everything around me makes me happy even a single thing like this. 

Bercinta sampai jannah?

Lately semakin ramai orang guna phrase "Bercinta sampai Jannah". Maksudnya sangat bagus. Suci dan islamik. Kita semua  mengharapkan cinta untuk terjalin sampai ke Syurga. Itu lah matlamat cinta sama ada cinta kepada Tuhan, ibu bapa dan pasangan.

Perkataan yang suci ni tolong la jangan disalah gunakan. Kita selalu tengok couple berpegangan tangan dan mungkin berpelukan (nauzubiilah hi mizalik) ambik gambar. Lepas tu letak caption "semoga cinta kami sampai Jannah". People, this is not TALLY. Not TALLY. How come you say something Islamik like that while you're doing something that is not right. 

For me, it's ok to do whatever you want to do. Nak pegang, pegang la. Nak peluk, peluk la. Tu hak masing-masing. Semua tahu dosa pahala kan. Kalau kita cakap, orang akan cakap "Kau apehal sibuk hal aku?  kubur lain-lain kot". Patut ke kita cakap macam tu kat orang. Nak buat semua tu okey, tapi jangan upload gambar dalam media sosial. Kita sedang membuka aib kita sendiri, sedangkan Allah menyembunyikan aib kita dari orang lain. 

In short, you can what ever you want. But PLEASEEEEE I'm begging you people, TOLONG jangan guna caption "I love you till Jannah, semoga hubungan kita direstui Allah" sedangkan masa tu gambar yang belum kahwin dan berpegangan tangan. Kalau dah kahwin, pegang la sepegangnya. Bahkan, dosa akan bercucuran dari celahan cari pasangan suami isteri yang telah berkahwin. 

I'm not saying I'm good. Pious. No, I'm not. I'm not even close. I know where I stand. I commit sins everyday in my life too. But please don't use use Islamik terms to make it look ok. 

Tolong, jangan hina agama saya.

Dan sedarkah anda, anda sedang mnghina agama anda. 

Islam itu akan dinilai dari penganutnya oleh orang lain. Jangan kotori pandangan itu.

Spring Graduation : Last day

Right after the ceremony, Ema and I rushed to Albert Park. It was raining. Still ambil juga gambar dekat Clock Tower dan uni punya sign rock. Lepas tu Sultana hantar pergi airport. Terus check in dan Sultana bagi satu kotak besar Ferrero. Sepanjang perjalanan ke airport, cuba hirup udara sehabis-habisnya. Tengok tempat-tempat yang selalu kitaorang pergi dulu. 

Balik dengan segulung degree. I was quite sad that my parents couldn't make it to my graduation because I only got 5 days off. Not worth it. The actual plan was, we wanted to travel around NZ.  T__T

Bye Auckland. You gave me a precious life experience ever. You will be missed. 

Spring Graduation day 5

Oomaigad. When I rereading my previous posts, I sit back and say to myself repeatedly "You are a lame person" . Hahahaha. You are no fun anymore Fareha. Come on, don't let anything or every single person let you down. So, here I come. Writing again the chronicles of my graduation. Tak habies lagi tau dia ni. Sebelum ni syik duk cerita hal sedih jeee.

Before the graduation ceremony, the graduates assembled next to The Old Government house. For my session, there were students from faculty of education, engineering, health sciences and medical. These people gather here to hear what Dean would like to say about alumni and congratulate everyone.

The marching. The graduates marched from The Old Government House to the Aeteoa Sq. The marching was some kind of ritual. They blocked the road and everyone in the city stop and took photos of you and congratulate you. Alhamdulillah, akhirnya dapat merasa moment yang sungguh indah itu.

Phd holder. Hope one day, I'm one of those. Insyaallah. 

Double major. Salute!

 Our Sheryll!

 Oh, did I ever mentioned my university is full of Korean? Even my classmates are mostly Korean for certain subjects.

With the warmest hearts; Sultana and Aniz

That's how it ends. I love the feelings. I love the air. I didn't meet any Malaysian during and after the ceremony. They said the number of Malaysian students in Auckland has decreased. Malaysian are hardly seen walking in the streets like it used to be.