of being myself

assalamualaikum

the way we were brought up influenced our personality. if you were raised in a blame-on-you-of-everything home, will have high tendency to be a rebellious person. if you are raised in a very loving and caring home, you will develop as a lovely person.

i was raised up in, i'd say quite strict home environment. strict in the sense that everything must follow the time, and follow what you've been told sort of thing. masa kecik mengaji 3 kali sehari. can't go for play before 6. must be home before 7. can't watch TV at night. sleep a little in the afternoon so that we have energy to do revision at night. go to bed at 10.30. spend most of our time at the library. that's some of the things that i had to follow when i was a kid. same went to my brothers. when i was young, i don't get the heck why we have to do all these. we were not as free as other kid in our neighborhood. my mom did not allow me to have to much friends at school because she said i'll have tendency to talk and do not focus at school. i have to agree with that. almost every day we went to public library because my mum likes reading. and we borrowed the book from the library. i read the book while waiting my mum to fetch me from school. i wasn't allowed to play after school. ala, main kejar-kejar sampai berpeluh tu. balik rumah kena belajar. kalau lamabt pick-up kena cepuk.hahaha. kalau mengaji, lambat sangat nak paham tu pun cari pasal sebenarnya. saya tak dibenarkan keluar sangat, sebab mak saya bimbang nanti saya berkawan dengan ntah sape. samapai adik saya sekarang, kitaorang hanya main sesama sendiri je.   

i'm emotionally sensitive. i don't really mind about the joke like my friends always did among us. but when they or anyone touch the sensitivity in which they should not make fun of, i'm totally offended.because my mum and my dad never ever use inappropriate words, so we are not allow even to whisper any bad words. there was one time, i was so angry, masa ni dah jenis pakai berkawan sikit la, i said word 'hey, binatang' and my elder brother slapped my face.wuwuwuwu. sakit tahu. he didn't like it and i knew i should not say that  but i was angry. then, i see the point why my mum doesn't really allow me to have lots of friends. you tend to follow them! . i cannot cope well when people hurt my feeling. that's why i don't really want to be in complicated relationship. complicated relationship will make me thinking all day long and i just can't focus on my other business. dan lagi satu, this one i should handle well is terguris dengan students. i'm not sure if this normal for being a teacher but for me, saya rasa sangat terguris kalau students buat something, i don't want to mention here, but yeah, something like that laaa. and and and whining is so me. i easily get demotivated  from what i get, what i've ben through, crying badly for something that i lost and all that. NO WHINING Fareha.

i'm a youtube freak. the other day i asked my aunty to watch all youtubers that i like. she said, why don't i make videos like that.'kau kan suka cakap-cakap merepek dan buat videso'.  the reason she asked me like that because, when i got scolded by my mum ( when i was little), i would go into my room and open the closet. and then i started talking as if i talk to the audience. sengal tak? hahahah. by the way, yes, i do have youtube account and i do upload videos too, but just when i want to share it in my blog. i'm not going to talk in front of the camera and upload it. i don't have the talent. BUT, i have lots of videos of me and my friends. all were  recorded when we were travelling. me made the videos at almost stop we made and even in the car. well, i'll upload some if i have patience to wait them to be uploaded because internet is extremely slow.  

above are just small part of me. it's normal to have bad side because i believe i'm just ordinary human. despite all, i'm still a normal talkative girl.sopan *cough* . and happy go lucky except when the mood swing strike.hehehe. the reason my mum and my dad did all the things that i think confine me is they want to protect me from being irresponsible, unsuccessful, and immoral. thank you mum and dad for your way of up bringing. you make me a person i am today. 

thanks for reading