Farewell 2013

Bismillah.

2013 has been a tough year for me. The first phrase of the year, I suffered for not having a job. Country got into so many issues, so I as a citizen might as well affected by the unstable country's economic growth and political condition . Phew. In July, I finally got the position. I get posted to JB. So, returning here left nothing in my heart. Neither happy nor sad. Better yet, not west Malaysia. Not that  they are not good, I just don't see my future there.

At the beginning of working phrase kononnya, I was so stress out. I found myself crying in the car. I found myself over think in the toilet. I found myself get lost while driving. I found myself feeling soooo lonely. Aahh, how childish. Macam kau ni tak boleh handle masalah je weh. Tapi lama-lama aku okey. Sebab aku finally realise yang time management is crucial. Discipline is VERY important. Then, aku realise yang the best thing to deal with problem is you need to be heartless. Kau tak payah lah nak terasa sangat kalau orang sindir kau. Kau tak payah la nak stress sangat kalau kerja banyak. Kau buat je apa yang termampu dengan ikhlas. Memang susah nak puaskan hati semua orang. 

Terengganu ke Johor tu memang jauh. Jauh bangat. Aku ok berjauhan dengan family. Like seriously I left home since I was 13. Study abroad. I could handle homesick quite well. Yea, I guess so. Hahaha. But when it comes to driving, I feel so helpless. Can you imagine driving alone for 10 hours, JB -KT or KT-JB is beyond I could do. Sekali balik, 2 hari sakit pinggang tak habis lagi. Adik aku pernah tanya " tak sunyi ke drive sorang lama cam gitu". Do I have choice? Nope. Takde. But I learn to get over it. There's no point I weep. It changes nothing. Aku ni dah la tak boleh rasa susah. Terus rasa nak nangis. 

Aku banyak belajar independent. Pergi mana-mana sorang. Tapi aku ok je. Kan aku pernah cakap, aku pandai isi minyak je. Pernah satu hari tu, tayar kereta kurang angin. Aku terpaksa pam tayar. Boleh kot buat sendiri. Konfident 300% okey. Tapi kan, bila pam aku rasa macam angin makin keluar je. Dah la meter tak tunjuk pape. So, aku terpaksa minta tolong random guy pamkan tayar aku. " Erk, boleh tak tolong pam tayar kereta saya?" Dia pun pam keempat-empat tayar kereta ku. Lega. Tapi sampai bila la aku nak harap kat orang kan? Kena belajar. Hehehe.

  

Now, I'm a tough girl. 

I'm now more confident in what I'm doing. I could do most of the things on my own and alone. Oh come on, I'm a big girl. I hope 2014 brings more good things and happy news. 

The reason

Assalamualaikum.

Pernah tak dengar yang everything happen dalam hidup kita ni ada sebab? Sesuatu tak akan berlaku tanpa sebab. Orang-orang yang kita kenal dalam hidup kita pun ada purpose kenapa Allah hantar untuk kita. Aku sangat yakin, orang yang kita kenal tu akan mengubah certain perception kita dan buat kita realise silap kita, mengajar kita tentang kehidupan dan muhasabah diri. 

Aku ada seorang kawan. Aku akan gunakan 'kambing' untuk refer kepada dia dalam cerita ni so that, korang tak akan tahu dia ni lelaki ke perempuan. So that, there's no bias towards gender dalam describtion pasal kambing. Knowing kambing, kambing is kind in the sense that kambing looks at people as they are. Kambing does not judge people at all. There was one time, we were eating, I saw a group of people doing sometimg not quite right and I said, " hey, look at them". Kambing had a slight glance at them and continued eating. Kambing didn't say anything and rolled its eyes signaling me to stop talking. I was raised up to believe that what's wrong is wrong no matter how and where it's done. But kambing was so optimistic. Kambing believe people shouldn'd be jugde despite everything they've done. Actually banyak lagi yang aku nampak kambing ni not a judgy person. With kambing, I realise that I shouldn't think about someone that way. Let them do whatever they want, be nice to them anyway. Kambing is socially nice, helpful and hardly say NO to me and anyone else. Kambing ni aku boleh kategorikan pious juga la. Tapi dia ni takde la baik sangat. Couple juga. Nakal je. Main redah juga untuk certain thing. But kambing is a good friend la. Apa yang membuatkan aku rasa dia ni macam ok ialah dia seorang yang sangat positif, baik tapi tak baik sangat dan flexsible dalam banyak benda. 

Kambing is psycologically stable. Kambing could handle stress quite well. Kambing always says I am a stressful person. Kambing advice me not to live up to others' expectation. That's what I'm doing all this while. My intention is never to the best among others, it's just my task the best that I could. But I did it the wrong way. I did it because I don't wanna get scolded or I don't want people to run after me because I didn't do my task properly. After all, kambing said do not do something because of others. Do it because it's your responsibility and don't be stressout because of that. Job is dhunia. Ok kambing, I will follow you. Lol!

**********

Brisbane international airport, Australia. 

I was waiting for my next flight to Singapore. I ate alone at the waiting area while waiting for Emma who went to toilet for only God knows how many times. Hahahaha.  A woman walked towards me. She was wearing jubah and tudung. She asked which flight I would be boarding. She asked where I came from. She was from South Africa. Then I asked her why in Australia and New Zealand boarding form they asked " have you been to Africa/ South Africa in last 6 month". They only thing in my mind was, South Africa is not safe, people are fighting and apartied is still an issue over there. For god sake, I'm so lame. She said, the reason was, Africa is a tropical place. There are mosquitoes that might be dangerous. As for Australia and New Zealand who are very strict about bug and all stuff like that as to protect their diary product, they take this issues seriously. Kalau kat Malaysia tak kisah langsung pun pasal nyamuk ke, serangga ke, issu yang paling diambil berat ialah pasal drug. Sebab Malaysia jadi tempat transit untuk drug trafficking. 

Tetiba dia ceritalah yang South Africa ni satu negara yang aman dan dia bebas untuk mengamalkan Islam biarpun South Africa ni sebuat negara Kristian dan dipimpin oleh Kristisn. Dia cakap dia selalu pergi madrasah untuk belajar agama. Dia cakap dengan tenangnya yang dia tenang dengan kehidupan dia. Dia kerja Petronas Malaysia kat South Africa. Dia cakap, dia kerja dapat duit travel. Belajar agama. Bersyukur dengan kehidupan sederhana. Dia tanya aku pandai tak cakap arab, aku cakap aku tak pandai. Aku cakap selalunya sape yang pergi sekolah agama je yang selalu pandai cakap arab. Dia tanya aku kenapa tak pergi sekolah agama dan belajar agama sebab aku cakap aku pergi public school. Dia dah salah faham kononnya aku terlalu liberal dan pluralisme sampai pergi sekolah yang tak belajar agama. Dia ingatkan aku tak pandai mengaji tu semua. Padahal aku selagi tak pandai mengaji, asyik kena cepuk je kerjanya. Siap jari kena titik ngn mak aku. Kena sepak mulut sebab tak betul sebut tu tak payah cakap la berapa kali. 

Aku cakap kat dia public school still belajar agama. Cuma penekanan kepada bahasa Arab tu kurang la kan. Kitaorang cakap pasal Syria, Mesir dan banyak kali issue agama. Sebelum mengakhiri perbualan, dia suruh aku pergi belajar agama. Don't stop learning about your own religion. Kita perlu mencari redha tuhan. Dia pun berjalan ke boarding gate untuk ke London katanya. 

How can someone so randomly approach you and talk about your own religion? Peringatan itu datang dalam perbagai bentuk. 

Spring GRaduation Day 3 & 4

Bismillah

After  approximately 33 hours flight + transit, I finally arrived in Auckland International airport. I know, for some people this was crazy. 33 hours while you could have 12 hours direct flight? I prefer backpacking. With that, I save a lot. Yes, a lot as in  A LOT.

Alhamdulillah, urusan pergi untuk bergraduasi di Auckland sangat dipermudahkan. Starting from flight ticket, expenses, visa and people around. Sampai je airport, Sultana fetched us. She even offered to stay with her family. Sultana and her husband were Emma's bosses back then. They were very kind. They make sure Emma and me had our meal before we went out anywhere while during our stay. We stayed in their daughter's room .

Emma and I decided to walk in the city. We just walked around, went to the familiar places. I love the feelings. We had CFC too. Oh my God, so yummeh. Just like always.

The next day, Emma and I went to dress hire place. I love the feelings there. Everybody was overjoy and excited to choose the dress, including guys. So cute! Right after that, I went to the clock tower to pick up my graduation pack, but Shreyll already picked up mine, so I went to her office. She's coming to Malaysia this month to attend my friends wedding. Someone gave her tudung and she tried it. She looked like a nun. Hahahaha. I was so tanned compared to others. Yelah, sebelum fly ke Auckland, 3 minggu direct aku berjemur tengah padang sebab hari sukan. Plus, aku kan ajar PJ juga. Plus, dah memang kulit melayu sangat aku nih. Harus la burn nak mati. 

Tidak dilupakan, siap masuk dalam check list aku, aku kena makan Mrs Higgins. Best sangat okey. The best warm cookies in town tau. Alhamdulillah, tercapai hasrat walalupun banyak juga checklist aku tak sempat nak laksanakan. Lagi satu check list yang harus aku lunaskan ialah, Tom Yam and deep fried snapper kedai Thailand kt Lim Chor. Hoiiiii, best gila.

Familiar streets that I used to walk when I was stress and missed my family.

That night I went to Qilah and Berber place. I had rumyun with seaweed and ice cream. I had good time hanging out with them even their hands we moving so fast finishing their dissertation. Genius girls. They're persuing their honours in Mathematics.

Too little time

Oh mannnnn. I should have finished my endless entry about my graduation. Yeah, I wanna write all about it because it was the happiest moment in my life. Seriously, graduation means so much to me. You know, just happy. I couldn't describe it. I wonder how it's like being married because people always tell you that being married is the happiest moment in life ( I mean the wedding ceremony here). Hahaha. Insyaallah, someday. The story becomes so yesterday because I don't have time. Very busy with working life and other responsibilities. 

Actually, I wanna share the movies I watched and all. But I don't have time to write. I've been watching great movies lately. I wanna write how I feel about them, but priority comes first. Just so you know, the most awesome was Escape Plan. I'm satisfied with the movie. I never feel this satisfied for quite some time. 

Ini lah kekangannya. Need to finish marking papers and key in the data that due very very soon. This can be stressful. This is just 1/5 from the papers that I need to mark. Tak mampu nak bawak balik rumah semua. 

Will be writing when I'm done! 

In deed very cheesy

I've been watching this video like hundreds time and I still laugh every time I watch it. Even I just watch the video, I make the same reactions, just like the girls did. Oh my God, so chessy. In our culture, it's completely poyo. 

"Can I get your picture to prove to all my friends that angel really exist? "

"Do you know is there an airport nearby? or it just that my heart taking off because you walk pass"

My reaction was...Oh my God!!!. Just like other girls. Not that I'm melting, it just something cute to say, but it's not practical and realistic. 

Spring Graduation day 2

Lepas Emma balik dari toilet dan cakap ramai gila polis berkeliaran, kitaorang sambung tidur balik atas sofa yang bising dengan bunyi kartun purple. Dah mengantuk, tidur aje. 

The next morning, while I was performing Subuh prayer, Emma went to Emirates counter. We would be flying with Emirates from Singapore to Brisbane and Brisbane to Auckland. Later after she came back, she said  "weh, kita kena apply Australia visa sebab kita akan transit more than 8 hours". We could apply for the visa online and pay some amount of money. Emma and me got problem with our cards and decided to seek help from the people behind the counter to do visa application for us since we only need to pay 50 dollar. If we apply on our own, we have to pay 42 dollar. No much different. It was a long process. We have to wait for everybody whose flying with us to check in. Until then, they settle our visa application. We paid 50dollar per person.

While waiting, what else to do? I read. Then we both fell asleep. Bangun. Baca. Sambung tidur balik. Aku dengan Emma, memang tu je lah kerjanya. Sampaikan the guy who helped us with visa application woke us up. Tidur sampai tak sedar diri tau. Then, he said my Australia visa was still valid. I was like really? I think the last time I went to Australia was like a year ago. I was wondering why it was still valid. Or maybe, I applied for 2 years visa before this. So, I got back my 50dollar. Yeay!   

 Book is the best company while travelling. An intellectual way to kill some time. Later, I fell asleep on the sofa, ignoring who ever watching. I'm sleepy. I don't care.

We managed to get in plane on time. Sebabkan aku dengan Emma lambat check in sebab masalah visa, kitaorang tercampak jauh betoi. Takpe. Layankan je. I missed the meal in flight. I was damn hungry. The mat salleh sitting beside me didn't wake me up.Eh, mengharapkan orang pulak kejutkan. Or at least ask me. Dah la dia besar. Tak gemuk tapi huge. Dia curi space aku. Aku pun mengecil. Lenguh 8 jam duduk mengecil.

We arrived in Brisbane midnight at local time. We were the last passenger to pass the custom check. The immigration staff asked why we were so late. We went to the toilet and took photos. Tehee. At the immigration, Emma had to step into a class tube or something like that. Raise both hands up and spread her leg. That procedure was for custom check to ensure you are 'clean'. Better what? During my last visit to Australia, I was picked for random body inspection. It was like this...

Malu seyh. The staff touch every single inch of my body. Imagine that. Seriau tahu. You know what, dalam ramai-rmai orang beratur, aku kena full body inspection. One of the reasons, I'm a Muslim. Maybe. Others were picked too, if they look suspicious. 

Kitaorang sampai Brisbane midnight. So, terus cari tempat nak tidur. Sekali lagi, kali kitaorng je yang ada dalam departure hall sebab like seriously the next flight was in 10 hours, mana ada orang nak check in awal. Kitaorng yang transit ni je lah yang ada. Tidur je tempat yang ada. Terpaksa tidur macam ni sebab takde tempat. Dah sampai Brisbane ni harus la sejukkkkkk. Kitaorng tidur dalam keadaan kesejukan. Tetiba aku dengan Emma terbangun tengah malam sebab tak tahan sejuk. Sejuk yang terlamapau. Dah tak boleh dibendung dengan sweater lagi. Padahal dah pakai baju berapa lapis tu. So kitaorang beralih ke tempat yang sempit. Pergi ke gate betul-betul depan pintu masuk ke kapal terbang. Kat situ warm la sikit.

Gigih sungguh rasa trip kali ni. Bila bangun pagi esok, tengok glass wall kat tepi, I see this. Love it!

Then I know it

My younger brother keep humming this song.

Aí Se Eu Te Pego means Then I know it. Even though I don't understand this song, I find it's rocking! 

Azam. Tehee

Tetiba nak berazam sekarang ni. So pelik kan. Orang lain buat resolution awal-awal tahun. Tetiba aku baru terkial-kial nak buat sangat kan. Hehehe. Bukan apa, just kena berazam. So that aku lebih bersemangat dan berdisiplin.  So, here the list. 

1. Aku berazam nak bangun 15 minit awal setiap hari. 

So that, takde la aku sampai terpaksa bawa kereta macam bawak jet nak pergi kerja. Sampai nak terhumban dalam longkang. So that I can have proper breakfast. Bukan main makan je apa yang ada dalam kereta. So that, I can drive in a relax manner. Takde la drive sambil rasa nak pecah jantung. I can't be late. Yeah, that 15 minutes could make a difference.

2. No procrastination.

Seriously I can't. During the last meeting we had, I almost get migraine. Tugasan yang perlu disettle kan sebelum end of November adalah sebanyak 4 helai kerja, muka surat depan belakang. Sesak nafas terus tengok. Banyak gilerrrr. Sebab tu, tugasan yang perlu didahulukan perlu dilaksanakan terlebih dahulu. Kalau tak, by the end of November, kau dah boleh burnout. All these tasks are apart from teaching. 

3. Menembah pengetahuan

Truth be told, aku ni tahu naik kereta dengan isi minyak je. Pam tayar tak tahu. Nak tengok-tengok enjin habuk tak tahu. Tukar minyak hitam? Servis? Ape tu? hahaha. Sebab tu abang aku selalu cakap, kalau kereta bekas perempuan guna, orang dah takkan beli. Sebeb jenis perempuan macam ni lah. Hahaha.Sepanjang aku naik kereta, aku tak pernah pam tayar. Tunggu balik Terengganu baru ayah aku pamkan tayar.

Dulu masa belajar, skuter aku pakai aku tak pernah pam tayar. Geleng kepala abang aku tahu. Pernah la cuba nak pam, last-last aku dengan Izzati tercegat kat depan pam 10 minit, tak tahu nak buat apa. Lepas tu, terpaksa minta coursemate lelaki yang tolong pam kan. So, azam nya kena belajar la. Memandangkan aku kena travel jauh nak balik rumah, aku kena tahu check air, bila nak kena tukar minyak hitam dan tukar tayar etc. Lepas ni boleh tukar tayar sendiri. Okey, mampu nak terlalu ambitious nak tukar tayar. Fareha, seriously ko kena tahu mana nak isi air untuk viper dulu. Baby step Fareha. Baby step.

4. Menanam kesabaran hahap yang paling tertinggi.

Paling tertinggi. Ayat salah. Paling dan Ter dah salah satu menunjukkan 'sangat'. Tapi tak peduli. Nak menunjukkan betapa aku kena bersabar tahap yang paling tinggi yang aku boleh kecapi. This field requires me to be super patient. You know, the last words My lecturer said to me, " Be a patient teacher". Yes, I will.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is some kind of childhood disorder in children. The symptoms include difficulty staying focus and difficulty controlling behaviour. In the simplest words, a child cannot stay still, acting impulsively, have difficulty in learning and very hard to handle. Children with ADHD look perfectly normal. They are not like special children even though they are 'special' in their own way. They have problem in relationship too. So, ADHD children are usually alone and choose not to speak to others. ADHD is approximately three time more frequent in boys than in girls. Do you get what I'm trying to tell here? These children are hyperactive. Active beyond their age suggest. Dalam kata lain, nakal tu luar biasa sikit meh. 

I have this one student in my school who was diagnosed for having ADHA. His name is Rifqi ( not the real name). I think all teachers knew that he's having ADHD. For most of the time, when he's playing where he shouldn't be playing, the teacher just ignore him because they know Rifqi. Just let him be. There no point you yell at him, he will just ignore you with his innocent face. No reaction at all! 

In my degree years, one of the compulsory paper we had to take was early child development. We learnt all kind of learning difficulties like autism, ADHD and dyslexia. Children with this disorders look normal. You never know that they are having any disorder or learning problem. Same goes to Rifqi. I always  heard the teachers in school say " Sayang la Rifqi tu macam gitu. Muka handsome, tapi ADHD ".  He's indeed very handsome. Tapi nak buat macam mana, dia dah memang macam tu kan. 

The story is, Rifqi is placed in the last class, 2 Emerald ( again, not the real class) because of his learning problem, so he does not perform. I do not teach his class. I just take his class for NILAM. I take many many many of NILAM hours, so could you imagine how many classes I meet in a week. So, I barely know the students because I just meet them once a week for 30 minutes. I once went to his class for relief. He was sitting at the back of the class, parallel to my seat. He didn't do anything. Just stared. When I asked him to take out his book, he just stood there, staring at the floor. Whatever effort I put, it seemed useless because he just like a stone there. When I wasn't looking, he played. Aduhai.

So today, his whole class went to the library for NILAM. I remind you guys again. They were in last class. I was busy because I involved in library activity with year 6 students. At the same time, I was preparing for my observation. A senior teacher observed me today. She's a GC okey. How shouldn't I get nervous? Inferior? Creepy. But she's really kind and sporting. So, basically I was doing 3 tasks at the same time. Insane isn't it? Not effective multi-tasking. Kelas last ni biasala lah, datang library lambat. Tak bawak buku. Then, that 30 minutes ended.

Later, a male teacher came.

" Ni kelas ko eh, Fareha? 2 Emerald?"

" Aah. Kenapa?"

" Ko sedar tak Rifqi takde dalam kelas? Aku jumpa dia kat padang"

Ya tuhan. Rasa berdetum petir. I'm so dead.

Do you know what this indicates? I failed to take care of the class . Means I'm not alert with the students. Knowing Rifqi is 'special', I imagine all those bad things. He might get himself hurt or dead for worse. Oh my God, I felt so bad at that time. But, it was no one fault. He lost in between of the periods. Not during my class. Luckily, that male teacher knew it was nobody's fault. He just said, " Kau jangan bagi muka sangat kat dia. Attitude dia ni sebenarnya boleh dibentuk". Rifqi only scared of that male teacher. Kebetulan dah nak rehat, I told him to go for recess. As always, he just stood there. I being firm. I somehow force him to go. Finally he said " Tak bawak duit". That's broke my heart. 

Children like Rifqi shouldn't be left alone. He imagine himself as an ultraman. His job is to fight the monster. When he was in year 1, he hide behind the door. When girl passed by, he beat the girls with broom. 

It could be controlled r shaped eventually by time. Or it just stay that way maybe for forever. But definitely there's a way out. 

Spring Graduation Day 1

Bismillah

I'll write the whole thing about my graduation. So that one day  when I read my blog, I could remember all the good memories that I've been through. It's gonna be long and heap of photos. 

On 20th September I headed to KLIA from JB after school with my brother. He drove because I was quite tired after a hectic day at school. I noticed when we about to enter Negeri Sembilan, he was a bit off. There were times that he couldn't control the car. I knew he was sleepy. So we changed because I had been sleeping all the way from JB. hahaha.As for this trip, I tried to make thing simple. I just brought things that I really needed. Very basic toiletries, simple make up and limited clothes. But being female, it's hard to be simple. Sigh! My luggage still packed. 

Direct flight from KL to Auckland only took approximately 11-12 hours (MAS). But this time I'm not travelling with MAS. MAS, why you so expensive? My friend paid RM 4000++. I'm not gonna do that. I just barely started working and I haven't even got my first salary. Harus la tak mampu nak beli MAS hoih. So the solution is, I took transit flight that cost me only RM2000++. First transit point was Changi, Singapore and the next one was Brisbane, Australia. I swear to God, this was my longest journey I ever done. 33 hours.

Emma and me while waiting for our flight. Still in KLIA. Just both of us. No one sending us off.

My flight ( Jetstar) from KLIA to Changi was 11.50 pm. We arrived in Changi around 1.00 am. I was amazed with Changi airport. Sophisticated. Even though from the outside it just look like plain normal building, the interior was super great. It provides good services too. Free internet. Comfortable waiting area. Water coolers are everywhere and much more. After we walked around, we decided to find a place to sleep. 

 Kid section

Emma and I couldn't sleep because it was past midnight. Do you ever heard, if you are not going to sleep before or around 12, you won't be sleepy for the whole morning. I guess that happened to us. After walking around and went online, we found this place. It was isolated from other spaces and the cushion was comfortable. It was just the TV distracting us. The most annoying part was, the speaker was allocated at each cushion. So, masa nak tidur kau dah boleh dengar semua binatang tu cakap apa. Dah la aku tak boleh tidur kalau ada apa-apa bunyi pun. But I fell asleep anyway :p .

Around 3.30 am, I was awaken by man's voice. Three Singapore policemen were standing next to Emma and asking so many questions. He was curious why we were there because THERE WERE ONLY TWO OF US in departure hall. Malu aahh, masa kau tidur tetiba ada orang tengok kau tidur. Aku lagi segan sebab dua lagi polis yang berdiri kat tepi polis yang duk bersoal jawab dengan Emma tu Melayu. Melayu Singapore. Emma showed her itinerary and bla bla. They left. Emma went to the toilet and when she back, 

"Weh, ramai gila polis berkeliaran. Takut aku. Ada polis je"

To be continued...

Pit stop

I'm currently at Changi Airport, Singapore. I'm travelling with Emma. This is our first transit point before our flight to Brisbane, Australia. Brisbane is gonna be our second transit place. We find out that we have to apply for Australia visa because we gonna transit in Brisbane for more than 8 hours. Die!

Luckily the staff was kind enough to settle this for us. After a long wait. And we have to pay, of course.

Fareha

Changi, Singapore

Time To Rest

Have a great  weekend people!

Kali ni je

Ok, janji. Kali ni je aku akan tulis macam ni. 

I know I shouldn't be saying all these things. But only sharing these would make me much better even though I know not so many would read. Truth be told, I'm stress. Stress to the extend that I cried when I arrived home from work. Gila fragile aku jadi sekarang ni. I cried in the car when I listened to sad song. I was just so emotional. 

I got to do many work. I'm busy. Well, everybody is busy. Tapi busy buat aku stress sebab I'm not happy. Kadang-kadang busy tu bagus to keep you occupied. Most of the time, it's not.I hardly take a tea break because my schedule is packed. I only take lunch and that's it for the rest of the day. Last few weeks, I vomited every morning and night. Stress sangat sampai muntah. Pagi-pagi mesti wek wek dulu baru ok. Selalunya ambik breakfast, tapi bila macam ni nak minum air pun tak selera. I'm losing weigh. My friends were asking me either I'm on diet. I'm never on diet ever in my life. I just do everything like usual routine. Eat moderately and exercise. I noticed that I'm losing weigh when my skinny jeans also loose with me. My hip looks like it belong to 12 years old girl. It scares me sometimes. Hahaha

I won't say anything about work place. Let alone I handle everything on my own. I just feel it's something too private and confidential to share because it involves many parties.Somehow, all these make me an extremely impatient person. Dear Lord, I never wish to be this kind of person.

I used to be lovely

Now, I find good place for running. Not far from my house. When ever I feel lemau, I'd go for running. Running after all the best medicine for me. Not putting on ear phone and layan all those sad songs.

p/s: Don't get me wrong. I love my job. It just that the surrounding is not so supportive due to certain extreme. Please know that I'm not stress all the time. Just sometimes it's just so unbearable that I couldn't take it anymore.  

The Movie

So, The Conjuring.

Everybody talks about it. I haven't watch it and feel like a total loser because everybody say the movie was awesome and scary at the same time. Actually, I wanted to watch the movie when I was in Cheras with Aten and Izzati. They were with their boyfriends make us 5 in total. Just great to watch scary movie! Takde la takut sangat nak balik nanti. The halls were full so we ended up watching Percy Jackson. Honestly I don't enjoy 'God' related story because it just extremely ridiculous and I personally think it doesn't make sense at all. God has a son? Half blood? Thing my brain hardly process. But it was fun because it's 3D movie and handsome young fellas on screen.

My friend in Jb agreed to watch the movie with me. She was the one suggested this movie to me. A day before, she told me that she couldn't make it. She was really sick. Later, Husna asked me whether I wanted to watch the movie. But, we didn't watch it anyway because she wasn't serious about watching this movie. Why I really want to watch the movie? The guy selling ticket in Jusco Cheras told us that the director of this movie is a Malaysian. He's also the director for The Insidious and Saw. So, I know this "The Conjuring" must be something worth watching too.

So, Husna and I decided to buy the CD. But both of us were just to scared to watch it just two of us. I'm sure, we will definitely scream like hell. Confirm menjerit 2 hingga 3 rumah sebelah boleh dengar. Dua-dua punya tahap freak out tu tahap mahadewa.   Dah deretan rumah kitaorang ramai budak poli. I know these young kids would laugh at us. Mana nak sorok muka bila keluar rumah? Hahahaha. So, tak jadi beli.

My brother was in JB last week. I know this would be the perfect time to watch. Went to CS but the was no screening anymore. I was very frustrated. So, we watched The Internship. My brother was quite the whole time during the movie. I knew he was bored. Not his kind of movie. This movie is just too slow for him. Actually I wanted to watch Paranoia but I don't think it's the best movie to watch together. Prefer to watch it with girlfriends because the hero is Liam Hemsworth. OMG!

So, I haven't watch The Conjuring. How's brave enough to watch with me and ready to get deaf hearing me scream? 

"dan bersabarlah kamu dengan sebaik-baik kesabaran"

Azri's engagement

Assalamulaikum

Getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant and whatever ‘getting’ terms are so girls thing. We might be a little bit over reacted. Being normal, I’m included. So yeah, my friend was getting engaged. Of course I was like amaigadddddd. That kind of reaction you know. Hahahaha. Actually, I wasn’t surprised when she told me that she was getting engaged. I’ve been told about the guy like hundreds time over the phone and even when we were chatting. So, when she said, she was getting engaged, I was just OK with that. But why is it so fast? But we agree to say, Jodoh dah sampai. Ahem.Ahem.

I even accompanied her to choose the cloth. She wanted nude colour. We agreed on the tone. And tadaaa, here she is. Too gorgeous!

Azri, may this tiny little effort towards Insyaallah marriage showered with blessing. I pray this engagement last with happy marriage.   

Those powerful three words

I’d avoid saying cliché things like “ Kerja dengan belajar memang lain” , “ kerja tak sama dengan belajar” and etc. even though it is the hardest truth to admit. Sebab rasa macam poyo  je nak cakap macam tu. Walaupun masa mula kerja macam Oh My Godness, banyak gila aku tak tahu. Banyak gila aku terpaka tanya senior. Banyak gila aku terpaksa seek help. Tapi kalau orang tanya, macam mana kerja I’d say “ Ok je”. But I know, most people won’t believe that I actually struggling to handle my personal life because of my work. Well, different people different luck ( based on which area you are).From the surface, it might look normal. Nothing much to do. Kononnya la kan.  But, as I always say, being the youngest, people expect me to do more. I’m responsible for so many things. In the beginning, I had hard time juggling all those things. I’m afraid to go to work. I’m sad when I’m back from work. I  don’t mingle much. I’m depressed and I’m sad. I’m just sad. Sad. Sad.

Disebebkan terlalu takut, banyak kerja dan stress I forgot many things. Pergi kerja terlupa mana letak telefon. Kadanag-kadang terlupa bawak telefon padahal telefon benda yang paling penting sebab senang PK nak contact kalau ada pape. Senang kawan nak telefon kalau nak inform pape. Dan disebabkan stress dan takut dengan kerja, sampai mak aku merajuk dengan aku. Kononnya macam aku lupa nak telefon mak. Adui!

That day, I was driving from KL to JB  ALONE at night. Last Sunday was the last day of school holiday. The jam was crazy from KL to Seremban.  So, aku  ter slow la sikit. Last –last sampai JB pukul 10 malam. Ambik Husna terus pergi makan. Balik, mandi terus tidur. Lupa nak call mak cakap dah sampai. Esok, pergi kerja, memang jangan harap la nak text atau call. Memang tak sempat sebab banyak kerja perlu di settle kan. Terlupa nak call boleh?  You can just forget about anything else you know. I’m suck, I know. Tapi tak nak cakap working life suck, tu masalah sendiri la kan. It’s normal for newbies  anyway.

Petang nya mak call,tanya dah sampai ke. Anak dara dia ni hah sampai tak telefon or even text cakap dah sampai. At that time, I felt bad about myself. I forgot to do most important thing; tell my mum that I safely arrived. Mungkin sebab banyak kerja,kerja, dan kerja yang aku fikirkan sampai aku terlupa pada orang yang care much about me. Mak bimbang la kan, sekarang musim raya. Banyak accident. Aku tak habis cakap lagi mak letak telefon. Aku call balik mak tak angkat. Aku text mak cakap aku terlupa nak cakap aku dah sampai. Aku banyak kerja. Semua tahu kan yang aku buat dua kerja. So, aku agak busy la. Di tempat kerja dan dirumah. Selang beberapa hari, aku call mak beberapa kali tapi mak tak angkat. Mustahil tak tengok phone. Sehari selepas tu, mak pun tak call balik. MAMA MERAJUK!

Masa aku dengar radio on the way nak pergi kerja, aku dengar pasal POWERFUL THREE WORDS. Simple words that could change everything.

         I LOVE YOU            YOU LOOK AWSOME       I AM SORRY        YOU ARE NICE

Kita rasa macam perkataan ni like nothing tapi, these words have tremendous effects on human feelings and behavior. Dah dekat seminggu mak merajuk, tak angkat telefon tak  balas text, so I texted “ Mama, I’m sorry”  bla bla bla bla. Lepas tu mak terus balas message. Terus mak call lepas tu. See, the power of three words. One more thing is, I AM SORRY includes in groups of words that never fail to melt people heart same like THANK YOU.

Kita kadang-kadang malu, segan atau mungkin keras hati nak cakap benda-benda macam ni dekat orang yang kita sayang. Tapi seriously, cakap la words macam ni kat orang yang kita sayang. Kita manusia. Hati kita lembut. Say sorry when you’re wrong. Admit your mistake. People are ready to forgive.

Tapi akhirnya decide aku tak boleh macam ni forever. I have a note book. I write everything in it. I have a long TO DO LIST. Yelah takut lupa. Bila usia meningkat ditambah lagi dengan stress, I just can’t lose it. Note book tu nadi kehidupan aku sekarang ni. Gitu pulak kenzz. Notebook ni pernah misplace kejap, macam ayam hilang anak dah jadinya aku ni. Semua benda ada dalam tu termasuk segala ID dan password untuk key in mark dan whatnot. Fuh! *kesat peluh meleleh kat dahi*

Kerja tak sama macam belajar. Dua dunia yang berbeza.

Eh, tadi cakap tak nak cakap :P 

Eid celebration

Assalamualaikum wbt.

As cliche as everyone does, I write about raya lah. This year macam ramai tetamu datang. Budak-budak tak ramai sangat tapi kawan parents dengan sedara ramai datang. Kawan abang aku pun tetiba ramai bangat datang. Kebetulan tahun ni tak banyak jenis pulak kuih raya sebab yelah, kuih raya beli beberapa hari je sebelum raya. Dah la aku yang tolong pergi belikan. So, boleh imagine la kan macam mana. Semua kuih yang taste aku je semua aku beli. Tak reti la nak pilih kuih apa yang orang normally like. Orang suka makan tart kot raya kan.

So, raya.

Tahun ni terkumpul semua adik-beradik aku. Adik-beradik aku susah nak terkumpul semua sebab faktor kerja dan kekangan masa. Sorang-sorang tercampak jauh ke utara, selatan, barat, KL dan nun di Malaysia Timur. Harus lah masa yang ada untuk jumpa sangat terhad dan dalam setahun hanya sekali dua je pun jumpa.

I don't get duit raya anymore except from my parents. People thought working people should be excluded from getting duit raya. Sigh!

Mak. Di pagi syawal.

With old but never get old friends. Still very close even I haven't met some of them for 6 years or more. 

Berlatar belakangkan Pulau Kapas, pulau indah di daerah kami.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Semoga dengan kedatangan syawal ini, Allah ampunkan saya dan awak-awak. Semoga Allah terima amalan saya, amalan awak-awak dan kita semua. 

New Appearance

Asalamualaikum

As you could see, I changed my blog header. I changed my blog user name. I changed my name to Sarah Aishah. Hahahaha. And the reason of that, I want to stay invisible from my students and my colleagues. If i use my real name, of course they could find me just with a click. NO. That's not going to happen. I'm not comfortable when my students read my blog, I feel awfully awkward my when my colleagues that I barely know read my blog. I need to be very careful with my blog from now on. I don't want to delete my blog like some teachers had to do when their students find their blog. Close friends, friends and totally strangers would be fine. People around my circle, em,em NO NO. 

Thing i write, totally not related to Aidifitri. So Fareha.

Last year, when people were writing about Eid celebration, I was talking about how passionate I was to be tall. Out of context.

Just being myself all the time

New place

okeys. Living in a new place requires me to start all over again. Starting over is hard. I always heard people say the beginning is the hardest part of everything. I have to admit it. Yes, it's hard but alhamdulillah I have seniors that helped me so much, supportive colleague and plenty of old friends that get posted with me even  they are not practically my close friends. ok. mean i know. But i get along well with them. 

So as for now, I feel that my life is almost complete. So, I have to find something else that make my life fully complete. Hehehe. As simple as finding something that calm my soul, do things I really wanted.

Salam ramadhan.Today is our 13th day of Ramadhan. How fast time flies. Never felt this fast. I'm toooo busy with my work, I have tooo many work to do. Even when I went to work at 6.30, I feel time went very fast. eh dah nak balik eh? hahaha. Being the youngest, people assume you have more energy and full spirited than others. So people keep asking me to do things. I'm completely ok with that even sometimes I'm tired to death. People keep calling me, and yes sometimes for no reason. And I was like, okeyyyy this is really weird. 

Anyway, I'm happy with my current life.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Assalamulaikum

I've been leaving school for 7 years and the last time I was in school was the day I received my SPM results. Erm, nope. Early this year, I went to my school to collect my brother's SPM official results because he happened to be in the same school with me for his upper form. 

Last few weeks (22 & 23 July), I went to school for 'Sireh Pulang ke Gagang' programme. It wasn't like a reunion programme like most people thought. It's was like seniors meet juniors. Seniors motivate juniors. Seniors meet super seniors. Stuff like that.

So, basically the programme get all the seniors starting from the earliest batches to the currently leave school batches together. Here, we also did social networking. Means that fresh graduate like me will come to see the seniors ( seniors mostly CEO, YB, IR, DR) and submit their resume. The seniors are more than happy to help us. Senior are mostly influncial  people. I feel so inferior. Who doesn't right? I barely started working, they are all in the higher position. They are successful in their field. Guess who I met? Dr Zainur Rashid Zainuddin. He's my school senior!

In the main hall. The juniors did their presentations. Essentially, this activity aim to enhance their confidence and leadership skill. One of the slots was career talk. Juniors went to a particular group based on their interest for their future career. So, seniors conducted the session based on their expertises. Sape nak jadi doktor, pergi jumpa abang yang dah jadi doktor. Siapa nak jadi engineer, pergi jumpa abang otai engineer. Kang senang nak cari kerja juga nanti bila dah habis belajar bila dh kenal seniors. 

Rugby senior vs junior. Here where I started watching and enjoying rugby 8 years ago. The feeling was so.... I don't know how to describe the feeling you know. Because the juniors still did what my batch and seniors did. The Haka dance, highly spirit cheer and the strength. Memoghi sangat.

In the afternoon, I saw Dr Zainur Rashid. I was like 

Me:  eh, korang tu Dr Zainur Rashid la.     

Shida: mana? abang tu ke? (abang tau kau panggil. haha. yep, kitaorng mmg panggil abang or bro)

mana ada, dia tu lawyer la.

Me: yelah tu memang Dr. Zainur. Aku follow dia kat fb kot.

          * we were looking at two different men*  haish!

Aku sangat teruja sebab dapat jumpa Dr Zainur in real life. Selama ni tengok kat fb dan aku sangat inspired dengan dia punya pencapaian dan cara dia mendidik anak-anaknya.  Perjalanan hidup dia pun sangat inspiring.He's now the dean of IMU Clinical School, Internationa Medical University, Seremban. He's also a consultant Obstetrician & Gynaecologist, Hospital Tuanku Jaafar, Seremban. He's very active with   Palestin mission body. Involved with humanity aid in Acheh, Palestin, Thailand and others.

Here's about his visit to our school recently. Dr. Zainur . 

Both were my ex-roomate. Geng yang selalu kena kacau hantu sampai tak boleh tidur malam. hahaha

My school is now a BITARA MRSM. Back then, we only had form 4 and form 5 students. Now, they have from form 1 to form 5. Ramai sangat. You know, form one students were very funny. Perangai budak-budak. Still main lelaki dengan perempuan. Kejar-kejar lagi. Kejutan budaya jap aku. I could imagine how my senior look at them. She even say that form 1 were like cartoon. 

Had lunch with dearies. We stayed indoor because Kuantan was affected by the haze quite bad too. Sakit kerongkong. Help! Help. hahhaha. Aaaahhhh. Those are all good time memories.

I'm going to work in Johor starting next week. Nervous but happy at the same time ♥♥♥

Fareha Noor: La Tahzan

Fareha Noor: La Tahzan

thank you babe

Save Syria

Allahhhhhh, watching these videos alone breaks my heart into pieces. Syrian are terrified. I'm sometimes stumbled upon what should I do to help them. I know I have nothing. Power? No. Money? Definitely No. Nothing I have in this world could help them. But we have the power of prayer. I couldn't watch this video without crying. They are devastated. Sunni in Syria are the victim of Syiah. Because of the chaos and riot in the country (even genocide), Syria becomes the most unsafe land. The people are suffering especially girls and women.  

"Do you want to give your daughters for marriage?"

What do they see us?

"A market place for selling -like selling sheep?"

What the soldiers did to the man is beyond humanity. Where is the love people? Where?
* Warm tear dropping fast down my cheek*

Ya Allah, save our brothers and sisters in Syria from any harm. 

Don't ever change

"tak perlu masa yang lama untuk mengenal bakal suami atau isteri, Buang masa.. kalau suka, bagitahu terus terang.. Dia terima ke tak, belakang cerita.. " Hati manusia kan Allah yang pegang ...:)" - anonymous. 

La Tahzan

Feel sad for almost no reason. Hormonal I guess. Huru-hara emosi. There is a reason actually. Just minor reason. I believe Allah has a better plan for me. #havefaith

IG

My ig

Truthfully, I don't know how to upload photos from camera or laptop. I just uploaded the photos from my phone. I've been looking and searching but I couldn't find it. Perak gila okey.

So can someone tell me how to do it?  

My Convocation

Assalamualaikum

Busy. Just busy. hahaha. Tak sempat nak update pasal konvo. Actually dah konvo last two weeks and this entry have been hold for two weeks too. Dah upload gambar-gambar tapi takde masa nak menulis. Since I'm going to Banting tomorrow, so I need to finish it. Really. 

Over all, I'd say huru-hara juga la konvo ni. Pengurusan might be ok, but in our behalf it was a mess. Sesat. Terpaksa ambik jalan jauh. Bila dah sampai Putrajaya, masa tu ada pesta Belia satu Malaysia. Banyak jalan ditutup. Dah la tak tahu sangat jalan dalam Putrajaya tu, boleh pulak dia suruh lalu ikut lain. We were like whatttttttt.  

Disebabkan batch aku sidang pertama hari pertama, rehearsal awal pagi sampai tengah hari. Ambik jubah, e-convo and all stuff. Bayangkan punya la kalut, aku minum air masak seteguk je sampai la tengah hari. Seriously atur cara majlis memang kelam kabut. Dengan cafe kat PICC tu ada book untuk wedding, sampai dengan parents dan tok aku pun tak makan. Sangat kesian okey. 

The next day, hari konvo lagi parah. Kena berkumpul untuk beratur pukul 7 pagi. Kitaorang gerak dari Damansara pukul 6.15. Lepas tu sesat pulak boleh. Bukan apa, salah jalan dan sebab GPS ayah aku mati pulak kenz. Nasib baik la, aku punya navigation skill bagus (poyo disitu yerr). Yelah, kata ambik gambar kahwin. Haruslah kena pro cari rumah orang kahwin. Pergi cari rumah orang kahwin ceruk yang tak pernah sampai. Masa tu aku dah rasa pelik sebab dah meghala ke Ampang, aku just suruh ayah aku turn balik menuju ke Petaling Jaya. Baru la jumpa sign boards menuju je Putrajaya. Kesat peluh di dahi.  

With Izzati's family

With Aten's mum

With Angah and Syafiq

Lovely mum

Punya jaga muka, ada juga sebiji tumbuh waktu nak grad. Haduh

Two most inspiring women in my life. 

I was very happy on my convocation day. Despite being a stressful day (this is serious, expect it during yours too) I was happy that my parents were alright. Because there were so many people. The sidewalk were crammed. My parent did not take their breakfast too. Mak dengan ayah aku layan je nak ambik gambar kat mana-mana. Orang ramai-ramai boleh buat moody sebenarnya tapi mak ayah aku okey je. Tok aku pun okey. 

Terima kasih Ya Allah atas nikmat kasih sayang yang kau limpah kan melalui orang-orang yang aku sayang.